A Safe Place

I know I haven’t posted in a couple of weeks. I have been going through some obstacles that I was concurring to helping me becoming the best me that I can be. Boy, it is not easy. The biggest battle I fight is in my head. The depression and anxiety sure are kicking my rear end.

We get so busy and so exhausted that we don’t even THINK of takin care of ourselves. This is me…often. When I’m someone who has a mental illness, it is very difficult to for me to get the motivation to take care of me. It’s so easy taking care of my friends and family and worrying about them. But when it comes to taking care of me. Well, let’s just say I put that in the back of my head. The reason why I focus on others more than myself is to ignore and hide how I am feeling. I hide so much from people only to protect them and to protect myself.

Why do I do this, you ask? I do this to protect others from myself. I hide to protect others from getting hurt by me. I hide to protect myself from getting hurt and exposing the real me and the funny thing is, I’m still trying to figure out who I am. I learn each and every day who I am.

What I have discovered recently is that someone with a mental illness NEEDS to have a safe place to go. To unwind. To breathe. To be away from the judgmental eyes. To be away from the darkness. To be way from…everything…for just a few moments. Those moments can turn to hours. And that is ok. You are in your safe place. You can be yourself in your safe place.

What do I mean by “safe place”? A safe place can be anything you want. A physical place or a mental place. Without a place to go you can easily sink down into a dark hole. Having a safe place can help you balance and organize our mind. It’s great when you have anxiety. For an example. Some disappointing events happened this year that really caused my mind to think many horrible things about myself. But really it wasn’t me at all. I was the one who was betrayed. I was the who trusted too much. I was the one who was stabbed in the back. I was the one who was thrown under the bus…and sadly I still am when I don’t even speak to those people again. When this all happened, I was hurt and broken. I made it SEEM like I was ok. I made it SEEM like I was strong. I made it SEEM like I was not affected by the events. But in reality…I was. More than it should have. How I worked through this for many weeks with my therapist was what I would say to those people to relieve all this anger, sadness, disappointment, and hurt. I think it’s safe to say that I cannot trust them. But that doesn’t mean I can’t trust all people.

My therapist and I have been working through this specific event that has caused so much anger and so much hurt. We often talk about having a “safe place” to go when I am feeling low or just need space even for a few moments to gather my thoughts and feelings. I never had a safe place in my life. I’ve never felt safe to speak my mind. I’ve never felt safe in general. I couldn’t close my eyes and go to a place where I felt safe. Well, I discovered my safe place today. Or I guess I should say it was something that I felt safe with. No, no. not a person. But a mystical creature that follows me around and is my protector. She is very sweet but will stab someone with her horn. I imagined the event with this creature beside me. Because that someone had betrayed and hurt me; my creature protected me with her horn. You’re probably wondering what kind of creature I come up with…. well…you’re going to laugh. But she Valkeri; yes, that’s the creatures name because she is a warrior. Ok, fine, I’ll tell you what kind of creature Valkeri is…she is…ready for it? She is a rainbow unicorn butterfly kitten. Don’t judge me. it’s a cute creature that can kick some booty. My therapist had a good laugh. At first, I came up with it as a joke just to be silly. And well, I tried it in session and…it worked. So, I think I just may use it as my safe place.

It’s very important that you feel safe. Whether its someplace or even someone. When you feel safe you can relax and be able to be yourself. When you feel safe; you aren’t afraid to let things happen. When you let things happen; you are able grow and become who you are meant to be.

This is a safe place. You want to talk about something don’t hesitate to message me. You can even like my page on Facebook and chat with me there. YOU MY DEAR FRIENDS ARE AMAZING AND ARE LOVED! YOU BE YOU MY LOVELIES! YOU BE YOU!