Friend Request?

In a previous entry I talked about making a tough decision where I let go the greatest constant of my life. I let go of my best friend. It was a very tough decision. I don’t regret it by any means. I needed that time to let go…I’m still working on letting go. The fact is I still love him. I think about him often. I worry about him. I have always wished him the best. Even if the way he treated me was unfair and not ok. I was with him for so long. When I met the current guy, I am dating I felt like I was finally moving on.

Well, here is something “funny”. When I was checking my phone one morning, I saw I had a notification on Facebook. I checked to see what it was and SURPRISE it’s my “best friend” who friend requested me. I was in pure shock. All these feelings and memories start rushing back. Warm, fuzzy, anger, sadness, and skepticism. Why would l be skeptical? Well, I am nervous about his intentions. This has always been a cycle for our friendship. We are friends, we fight, we don’t speak to each other, one of us talks to the other, and we are friends again. It’s an unhealthy cycle that I broke a year ago. So, what does he want? What do I do?

I waited to accept his request. I wanted to think about it. I wanted to talk about it with my therapist. Analyze the reasoning behind why I would be considering accepting the friend request. To be honest I was curious. I know it will stop at JUST being Facebook friends. I don’t want to get together and catch up because I know the cycle will just repeat its self and I’m DONE with that. So, I decided to let the curiosity get the best of me and I accepted the friend request. Soon after I get a message from him. We start talking and “catching up”. He’s doing well which is good, but it also makes me wonder if he just saying he is doing well but in reality, he’s not? I have no idea. Because in reality that is how I feel. That is what I do. I say I am doing well but in reality, I’m not. Turns out he moved 5 hours away so that was reassuring that he won’t want to get together and catch up. Right? In all honesty, it’s good to keep tabs on him. I’m proud of him no matter what. The only thing I have to do is be strong and to not fall into the cycle. I have come so far in this past year. I’m not going to let him in again. I was hurt far too long and far too much. I learned my lesson. Yes, I know accepting his friend request probably wasn’t a good idea. But I’m curious to what he wants and see what will happen. It won’t disturb my progress or the guy I am dating now.

I have a good thing going with the current guy I’m dating. We may not talk a lot and my anxiety and insecurities may be going wild but he’s a good guy. I want to see where it goes.

What would YOU do in this situation? Would have accepted the friend request? Or would you delete it? What would you do if you were friends with someone for so long and finally realized it was something toxic but you still love and care for that person? What would you do? Still accept the friend request because you are curious? Would you take that risk?