Loved Ones

Lots have happened since the last time I posted. From falling outs to family and medical issues. The main thing I’ll be talking about today is when a loved one has a medical condition and the inevitable.

I am very close to my grandparents and this thanksgiving weekend I visited them in another state. They both have severe medical conditions. The hard part is seeing them be so fragile and in pain. All I want to do is take that pain away so they can have the energy to enjoy themselves. I understand with aging there are risk of medical conditions, such as cancer or some other medical condition. What’s new in this case is cancer. One day grandpa is all full of life and energetic with a strong worth ethic and then we find out he was diagnosed with cancer. Don’t get me wrong, grandpa is very strong and has a great spirit throughout this whole thing. But there is a significant amount of fear and worry going on in my head now. The fear of losing the strongest man I know and many worries of what will happen when he does. I fear that when he does go, hopeful not soon, that the family will not fall apart even more. I fear that I will lose my grandmother shortly after if he happens to go before. If grandma goes first, I fear of losing grandpa shortly after. I have been very close with my grandparents all my life. They have watched me struggle and grow. They may not know the severity of my struggles, but they know I have. They have been my biggest supporters when it comes my successes in life. Because of how close I am with both of them, I worry how the loss will affect me mentally.

When you know something is inevitable, you take the time to attempt to prepare yourself for the future. We think we are prepared but when the future happens, we have no idea what to do or think when it happens. In reality, we can prepare ourselves for anything and everything but when the time comes, we aren’t prepared at all.

All we have is the memories of our loved ones. Materialistic things are trivial and, in the end, do not matter. We cherish the memories more. How our loved ones make us feel. The hugs they give and so on. We don’t miss the material things; we miss the memories and how they make us feel. Which is why it is very important to experience those feelings and cherish just spending time with your loved ones. Memories last longer than materialistic things.

Losing a loved one whether you’re close or not is tough. It puts life into perspective; at least for me it does. The thing is what’s been on my mind recently is death itself. It’s not what you think. I’m proud of who I have become and appreciate the struggles I have faced to get here. What I mean by me thinking about death is we never know when our last day is. I’m not afraid of dying. I’m more afraid of what I’ll be leaving behind. But that is a whole other topic for another day.